I am scared to hell about what diabetes is doing to my body.
What it may have already done, and still be doing.
When limbs hurt, wounds don't heal, new bumps or bruises or scrapes or eye issues come at me, I'm afraid of what it could mean.
Once, "they" told me that complications would happen.
It scared me then, and it scares me now -- even as I put on a "whatever" attitude then and a "brave face" now.
Fuck that. Right now, I'm over that.
This is the point where I just want to crawl into a corner and cry, or yell at the wall for being there.
No matter how positive we try to be in this D-Community, it doesn't change the fact that sometimes we can't escape this fear, this negativity, this sense of dwelling on the "what ifs."
Maybe it's diabetes, maybe it's just aging.
Maybe it's a mind trick, worrying about what may not even be reality. But it doesn't matter, because that dread grips your heart and rips at you as your mind goes back to every one of those conversations about complications as a kid. All that comes flooding back.
Sometimes, you're just scared
And you just want to be "normal" without having to worry about the impacts of diabetes.
What it may have already done, and still be doing.
When limbs hurt, wounds don't heal, new bumps or bruises or scrapes or eye issues come at me, I'm afraid of what it could mean.
Once, "they" told me that complications would happen.
It scared me then, and it scares me now -- even as I put on a "whatever" attitude then and a "brave face" now.
Fuck that. Right now, I'm over that.
This is the point where I just want to crawl into a corner and cry, or yell at the wall for being there.
No matter how positive we try to be in this D-Community, it doesn't change the fact that sometimes we can't escape this fear, this negativity, this sense of dwelling on the "what ifs."
Maybe it's diabetes, maybe it's just aging.
Maybe it's a mind trick, worrying about what may not even be reality. But it doesn't matter, because that dread grips your heart and rips at you as your mind goes back to every one of those conversations about complications as a kid. All that comes flooding back.
Sometimes, you're just scared
And you just want to be "normal" without having to worry about the impacts of diabetes.
Comments
Thanks for being brave enough to talk about it, Mike.
They say, to reduce the chance of every single diabetes-relation complication known to man, that I should keep a close watch on my blood sugars. So that's what I try to do... I do my best, and whatever happens, happens. If it does, it's not for my lack of trying.