Published this post initially in March 2010. But it's again how I am feeling, after being reminded by Kerri Sparling in a great post she wrote recently. So, here it is again.
In The Waters Again
Sky
is dark. Clouds hover overhead, trapping the light behind a veil of
darkness, a haze that stops you
from seeing what's ahead. A bright spot,
a break in the clouds, can be seen ahead on the horizon where the sun
shines through. That's the destination.
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But
it's not an easy path. This journey means you must ride the river. A
dangerous river. Toward that place off in the distance, a spot you hope
isn't a mirage as you desperately try to reach it.
This river
is riddled with rough patches. A rocky,
wave-splashing-against-the-shore type of river. Rocks sit in strategic
spots along the river, aimed solely at catching you off-guard and
pitching you helplessly into the waters.
The
only salvation is a small little raft - a Log - that shows how
you're doing in navigating these trecherous waters. A safety vest - a
lifeline connected to the body - provides some comfort and helps
boost you or keep you tied down when needed. Every single moment it
keeps you alive, even as you fearfully face those ever-present dangers
that mean quickly drowning before there's a chance to recover. Clinging
to the small raft, we do all we can just not to fall off and sink to the
bottom of the dark waters. Paddling away, with whatever we have to
paddle with - oars, branches, hands, feet, arms.
Out
of nowhere and without warning, a High wave crashes into me, sending me
up into the bleak sky. Here, I know I won't drown. But the drop back
down is inevitable, and that's a dangerous crash. Plummeting downward.
Sinking into the dark abyss, water rushes over me. I sink lower.
Finally, I manage to pull myself back up to the surface. Breath for air.
Tread water, until I can again pull myself back onto the raft and
continue on. Soaked, shaking, again clutching to the sides and
regaining composure.
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The
ride resumes. The raft offers comfort. Even as I can see more waves
ahead, and realize the future isn't any different. No matter how much I
crave peace and easy river-riding, I can't have it. Must battles the
waves. But carry on hope that someday I'll reach that brighter, non-wavy
place. A place that maybe I will reach, but may fall short again and have to find my way back there.
Navigating through the Waters of Diabetes.
Making every moment count. Riding the waves, but seeing and appreciating the scenery along the shores even as it passes by. And knowing that, even if you're manning the oars or paddles, there are others on the shore keeping watch - cheering, advising, throwing a life jacket or tree limb, or just giving a hand when needed.
Stability and Control, managing the ride as much as you can without giving the waters control.
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~ Richard Vaughn